10 June 2015

the flip side, or ya' gotta love yourself

I'd suggest the with the last post all the negative had been worked out, but I think we all know that would be a fib and not an amusing kind of fib.  However, I am nothing if not committed to a process so let's dig in.

Mock dating profile "about me" - the brutally positive version:

Smart, funny, caring gal here.  Loves to experience new things, that is adventurous...within reason (safety first, ahem).  Respectful, polite, clean, creative, wants to make a positive difference in her community.  

Well, shit, I swear I thought of some other stuff earlier today.  Enjoy this instead.  We'll try again later.

07 June 2015

smokey mirrors

I have come to the conclusion, and I'd be shocked if I am alone in this position but I'm feeling a bit too lazy to search for evidence thereof, I have come to the conclusion that I need to balance honesty and dishonesty in this "write an online dating profile" activity.  Deep and insightful, eh?

A skilled practitioner in the art self criticism as well as self deprecation, I am inclined to err on the honesty side, though an "honesty" that is distinctly negative.  In an effort to get that out of my system, working under the theory that pointing out my flaws, while honest, is probably not the best way to attract a shag, new friend, or dare I type...oh, my fingers won't do it, a loving companion.  Ughh, shudder, gross though increasingly appealing.

Here we go (and can I take this moment to remind you, readers who probably don't exist, that I don't edit these posts, not in any significant way - I'm just playing - trying to get back into a writing grove that might someday become more thoughtful and structured, kthx).

Mock dating profile "about me" - the brutally honest version:

Hey, potential dates, I'm a fiercely independent, work-aholic, with a penchant for self-loathing and the ability to bring down a room with single sharp social criticism.  If I'm not five minutes early, I consider myself late and while I'll claim that it doesn't bug me when you show up a quarter of an hour after our scheduled meet up, inside I'll be annoyed but don't worry I'll be more annoyed at myself for being annoyed so in the end you'll be good.

On a typical Friday night I'm cleaning the house and going to bed about 9pm.  Tired from working all week, sometimes I sit on the couch with my snoring dogs and knit.  I'd love you to join us.  Maybe we could play something fun like Scrabble or do crossword puzzles together.

When I'm not working my day job I spend my time helping my family.  Don't mistake that for loving them, we aren't actually close.  My identity is heavily tied to fulfilling obligations and making others needs are met.  Can I meet your needs, wink wink?

I'm very good at critical thinking, jumping to the worst conclusion, assuming the worst, planning, putting things in order.  These skills keep me alert and aware, some people call it uptight, but I think if we are outraged we aren't paying attention, right.  Let's get outraged together.

Hmph, okay, I'm getting tired of this and not feeling funny.  Interestingly enough, the exercise of trying to write the worst highlighted to some not-self-loathing part of me that maybe I am not ALL that bad.  Sure there are nuggets of truth, but well, exaggerated.  Hmmmm

05 June 2015

Nearly half a decade later

Who keeps old versions of their online dating profiles?!  Libgyrl does!

When drafting something new, it is sometimes useful to review the old.

The exact provenance of the following is not entirely known.  It was replaced in June 2011, so I am guessing it is 4.5-5 years old given my propensity to do a profile or a few months, then not for 6-12 months.  Nearly half a decade later, am I still this person?

polymorphously perverse ambisexual bibliophile bottom switch-potential gal enjoys long lectures, dimly lit libraries, reading academic journals naked, and polysyllabic words whispered coily, if you can manage or just coyly if you can't. seeking safe clean sane partner for all forms of deconstructionist deviance and postmodern pleasure.

also keen to meet other over-achievers interested in marathon training, recreational cycling, knitting, haute cuisine and down home cookin', sexy cars and environmental protection, social justice, cross-cultural exploration, beer, trains, existential crises, and bad jokes including puns. 

Um, yeah, but I think this maybe even older than 2010...seems a bit more of the 2007-8 vintage.  Of course in my on-again-off-again, love-mostly-hate relationship with online dating, this may have been from a system (ahem, match), and maybe I'd not used it for several years.

Anyway, yeah, still me, but I am pretty sure this would attract some polyamorous nerd; one with an equally nerdy spouse at home.  With respect for and appreciation of (and possibly a bit of jealousy), this is not really what I'm seeking right now.

Paragraph two has potential though.   In the meantime, rather than sitting here, in my head on a lovely summer Friday night, I should probably get out and do something.  Do.  Something.  (oh i hate that kind of punctuation emphasis!)

04 June 2015

Whoa - two years - time to start back up

Gonna do it....gonna try blogging, again....starting with an exercise in personal profile writing.  So stay tuned.

I'll warn you, not so much sporty stuff these days but maybe some existential family crises posts.  Dementia blows, there's your preview.  Consider yourself warned.

Interesting, speaking of existential and family, here's a draft from 2013 Jan 13 sitting in here:

My mother and I have a long history.  You know, the kind that goes back my entire life.  Since she hasn't consented to be a part of this blog and doesn't know it exists (thank goodness, frankly she barely knows the internet exists), I will keep her involvement brief and respectful.

The point is and why this preamble matters: my mother and I aren't all that close; she's been struggling with some health things; I'm always working on improving my health.  So for the first two weeks we are trying having mantras.  We live 300 miles apart (again, thank goodness).  On her fridge is one note, on mine is its twin:

I deserve to be healthy. 

I guess this is why we are supposed to journal/blog; I didn't remember that mantra at all.  Mom and I were going to share mantras, which I do know meant I was going to find one and send it to her.  Just over two years later, I don't send her mantras, but I help her take a shower once a week because she can't do so on her own.

Hence, why I need to start getting laid...more than once a year.  Peace out, buds.

09 February 2013

The great list and the holy goat

Rumor has it that some people keep lists of their romantic conquests.  I'm thinking this was reference in that sort of great sort of awful film, oh what was it called, yes! Four Weddings and a Funeral.

(I don't really like romantic comedies, actually I specifically generally dislike them, but some have moments such as below to redeem them)

Oh, please, if I get married, my the holy spigot bless us too.

Taking a quick break from the bakery reviews (seriously, if it is hazelnut cream on the inside of the mini-torte, why put almond slivers on the outside?  fine they look better than hazelnut crumbles but still), my list:

[please note, as usual personal identifying information has been altered, elaborated on, or entirely made up; also this exercise reaffirms that my memory is going...going where I don't know, that is part of the problem I think]

Beginning in the year of our lord the holy goat, 2002, and including (lots of) single first dates, saucy encounters, and deep loves:

1) SIIAF (single iranian italian american female)
2) the burlesque star
3) the red head, the one the burlesque star hoped to unload me on and who recommended my first realtor; he who in turn helped me buy that condo by the park that because i lost the audition i had to bail on - thank goodness i did too because i would have paid WAY too much for it
4) the "older" woman
5) "we can't date because you look like my mother" [who might have been a bit later, and could have been a distant cousin...but that is another story]
6) the first dude who threw up while making out with me
7) the blonde man-whore that made me realize that every (okay, or this) pro-sex feminist needs a few man-whores in their lives and that the term man-whore really seems problematic.  succinctly, why isn't male that gets around just a plain old whore?  and if someone who gets around is responsible and respectful, male or female, why are they a whore at all?
8) my young harlem renaissance man ah, but then there was arena concert, with whom I so wished their were sparks
9) moby dick, or "mr. shy and passive aggressive and yet a playa"
10) p-dawg [or that may have been earlier]
11) MS
12) MS's acquaintance [come to think of it, these were earlier]
8) now was number 8
9) and then 9
13) "onion goggles" or "i used to sleep with my boa constrictor" (oh but he was so smart and took me to my only flash mob participation)
14) "i like the way cats look [as is how they appear when they are seeing]"
15) Tazmanian devil t-shirt on the first date
16) the second fella that threw up while making out with me
17) mr. ramadan, who lost his nickname just in time to suggest that the "hooking up" wasn't good for him so he got it back; but kudos for being upfront and honest
18) PB routine and "i bite my cat"
19) the it is a small town return of one of the above
20) tats
21) too much gin ... that's all on me

Oh, i forgot:
the dentist who decided to diagnose my aches while we walked a lake; the quiet nice fella that I recently saw walking a dog down my street (it's still a small town); ah, yeah, the guy from new york who insisted on the 30 minute limit with the option for a 15 minute extension, which we took but then he never replied to my post-date email; and the furniture/artist who two beers later rejected me on the street, which was fine, I didn't like his tall-hipster-ass anyway.

So enough chapters for a book of semi-erotic stories?